| Dec 26 | Birds, not words |
| Dec 19 | Naps, libraries, snowfalls, very soft sweaters. |
| Dec 12 | I like to think of myself as a little bit tall and a little bit short but never medium. |
| Dec 5 | Ok, enough about dogs, now let’s talk about math? |
| Nov 28 | Just like they’d see you on Tralfamadore |
| Nov 21 | The fact that they’re boneless is also a bit creepy |
| Nov 14 | A joke for poets, not about them. |
| Nov 7 | Grey day, heyday. |
| Oct 31 | If you called it ‘ghostly transmigration’ it would sound a lot less celestial |
| Oct 24 | You might call this polar bear…articulate |
| Oct 17 | although teleportation would atomize you, of course |
| Oct 10 | there are shadows because there are hills |
| Oct 3 | a way a lone a last a loved a long the |
| Sep 26 | The crocodiles are always in the wrong |
| Sep 19 | Sad mouse comics |
| Sep 12 | If radioactively, people will better see your skeleton. |
| Sep 5 | The owls are not what they seem |
| Aug 29 | I will build you a home out of packaging foam that will be there till after we die |
| Aug 22 | Or maybe I used to be a wizard? |
| Aug 15 | Will or Ill-will? |
| Aug 8 | What have you sent to Mars lately? |
| Aug 1 | Meanwhile, my own eyes continue to slowly degrade |
| Jul 25 | Of course this is mostly a Batman review, because I CARE |
| Jul 18 | Also, Dave’s dad dropped his iPhone in the toilet |
| Jul 11 | Good, bad, worse, better |
| Jul 4 | Pet disease: thrill your friends! |
| Jun 27 | The enormity of their flat brains |
| Jun 20 | Sleep deprivation is the true horror |
| Jun 13 | That which is stolen is never lost |
| Jun 6 | You’ll notice I also still lack a scanner |
| May 30 | Nighttime terrors which strike from above, no less! |
| May 23 | Before you ask, YES, we’ve been to the vet. MORE TIMES THAN YOU’LL EVER GO TO THE VET. |
| May 16 | Almost too easy |
| May 9 | It would be such a big statue that people would live on it without being aware it was a statue |
| May 2 | Dedicated to bros everywhere? |
| Apr 25 | Sorry, this is really fun for me |
| Apr 18 | Even in a hot air balloon he continues to be sleepy |
| Apr 11 | Why is it all so difficult? |
| Apr 4 | Fair to ask: which is sadder, the refuser or refused? |
| Mar 28 | On the other hand, this also sounds like something Pocahontas might say |
| Mar 21 | Tough times subconsciously call for childhood heroes |
| Mar 14 | What could be better than making up an annoying rhyming song? |
| Mar 7 | Fast times in the ocean deep |
| Feb 29 | I was new first? |
| Feb 22 | Did you know that instead of Duck, Duck, Goose, some people play Duck, Duck, Grey Duck? |
| Feb 15 | The hard thing about bacon is pigs are so smart |
| Feb 8 | Don’t ruin my revisionist detective novels with romance |
| Feb 1 | You can explain to me why dogs do this and I’ll understand it rationally, but not in my heart |
| Jan 25 | My dentist gave me two free movie tickets, which isn’t extra life, but it’s still pretty good |
| Jan 18 | SOPA, PIPA, and the Great Internet Blackout |
| Jan 11 | We also made duck faces with Pringles |
| Jan 4 | A tooth abcsess, or that really high fever I had when I was four |